Saturday, April 21, 2007

New Digs

Hey, check out my new digs at: http://amyjay.wordpress.com/
I hope to see you over there.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Moving?

I was checking out Wordpress; I found it frustrating. On the date and time formatting screen there were words on top of words making it annoying/impossible to decipher. I like how the date and time look on Blogger. Do they even display the time at Wordpress? And is it even possible to import my Blogger posts? How? I'd say it's not quite moving day yet.

Tryin to Get to U and Dat Booty

For some reason this was really funny to me today.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

aha moment

My little sis is moving across the country next month; I am sad she is leaving. While, I am happy, excited, and hopeful for her new experiences and opportunities....what makes me sad is that she will probably never be back here to live (that's the reality, but, I could be wrong). Who ever made it okay to live apart from our family is a self-centered a**hole. I have a few people in mind when I rant about this. I don't have the energy to go into it. Besides I need to stop reliving that which I don't want in my life. This is me trying to let go (I know that is on my list #?). Living apart from ones family does not fit into my family concept. I guess that's the difference between theory and reality.
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There has been some interesting conversation on "the boards". These are lesbian women who have become pregnant through AI. They have found pregnancy is not all it's cracked up to be. I don't really know what I want to say about this....hum....let's see. I think this is one of those theory/reality conundrums I was speaking of before. In theory my (eventual) pregnancy will be glowing, healthy, and easier than it looks. In reality I may have horrible nausea, constipation, and hemorrhoids. In theory the birthing experience will be wonderful, amazing, and text book perfect. In reality I may have to throw my birth plan out the window. In theory when the baby arrives she or he will be healthy, we will easily bond, and the baby will breast feed with no problems. In reality I may be scared, blue, wondering what the hell I just did, and the unthinkable--I may hate breast feeding. No matter how bad one wants to be pregnant it is no fun to be nauseous, constipated, or any of the other (possible) unpleasant side effects. I think lesbian conception is so over thought/planned that there is a huge expectation...I don't know what I'm trying to say. But, I just imagine a mentality of "well, you asked for it". I want to be prepared (I want some type of realistic view of what I'm getting myself into) and I want it to be okay if pregnancy is not all that it's cracked up to be. My point is that nobody really understands what it is like until they are living it. I can try to imagine all day what it will be like to share my body with baby Z. I can try to imagine how my body will change; I can try to imagine how I will feel about that change. But, what I would really like to enter my pregnancy with no expectations...what ever the reality is--is what it is; and that's okay. Love it or hate it; good or bad. And there is my aha moment of the day (the reality is what it is and that's okay).

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Black eyed peas: Where is the love

I was searching for...something; I found this.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Dr. SS

Speculum trouble round two--I knew I was in trouble the minute I saw who the fellow on call was...Dr. Sucky Spec. If she is considering specializing in any type of women's health (involving a vagina) someone should really tell her how bad she is with a speculum. Although, if this IUI is successful all will be forgiven.

Sperm stats:
40% motility
75% (3) forward progress
20.4 million
The sperm stats are what they are. This is the last we will use this donor (unless we get pregnant then we would want to add to our family using this donor; in that case we are buying it up). This donor has been very consistent. However, the motility is usually 50%.

I'm excited to be working with different timing. Hopefully this is the change in protocol that will make the difference. Only time will tell. 3hrs.past iui (3hr.pi)--Let the obsessing begin.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Fraggle Rock Intro

#84

I am putting a check mark by #84 on my list of 101 things in 1001 days. This reminds me to add #85 Learn more about the birds, trees, and flowers in my region.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

No Pain, No Gain

Today was my last day of job training. The next time I walk on that campus I will be considered a full-fledged staff member...OMG. The reality is the kids will try to make my time there pretty miserable. If I get through this trial/testing period I think it will be worth it. I will admit I have fantasized about taking the easy road....aha, a cushy nanny job. But, I really believe I have somethings to learn by working at this place (and some things to teach).

My S.I.S. last Fri. went well. My uterus is a normal shape, I have no fibroids, and my tubes are clear! I'm relieved the outcome was normal. I had an u/s yesterday showing many follies, including, one measuring at 16. I have another u/s tomorrow. I predict they will tell me to trigger tomorrow night and go in for the IUI on Sat. morning. I will be glad to be done with the gonal f--there is a lot of build up to the moment of injection. DP took me out for ice cream after I did my shot tonight:) I can't wait to get back into the tww. My goal is to replace any negative thoughts with positive thoughts.

DP and I made some great strides over the weekend. We worked together to clean sweep. We did some major negotiating, "you get rid of that; I'll get rid of this". Why do we even hold onto all the crap? We were taught to. Okay let me give you a glimpse of the crazy things I save i.e. dryer lint. Why dryer lint you may ask...well, if you put dryer lint into previously saved cardboard egg container and then melt the wax of no longer usable candles (fill the containers with the lint and wax) you will have the perfect fire starters for when you go camping. Have I actually ever made these? No. Did we go camping last year? No. Time to throw away the lint. Oh, the guilt.

What do you save?

Saturday, April 07, 2007

101 in 1001

This is my list of 101 things I would like to accomplish in 1001 days. (With the help of DP of course; she always says I rope her in to all my projects). Okay lets get real, I will highlight the tasks I will probably not be involved in, but, it will take me nagging DP to get them done. In 1001 days it will be Saturday, January 2nd 2010. This list will be added to as I think of things. The goals will be big and small, but, I am trying to be realistic.

Legend:
C- completed
S- started
SOG- started ongoing


In no particular order....

1. Spring clean/clean sweep. S
2. Combine office and guest bedroom. S
3. Turn the office into the babies room. S

4. Hire someone to re-carpet babies room. Note to DP: I want to delegate this, despite your wonderful carpet laying abilities.
5. Start collecting baby items, especially, books.
6. Before next winter--get duct work cleaned out (hire someone).
7. Create a healthy/welcoming environment for baby inside and out.
8. Re-do window ledges throughout the house.
9. Rip up hall carpet replace with wood flooring. C
10. Install a shower enclosure or tile it.
11. Patch walls were needed. Note to cats: our walls are not your scratching posts.
12. Re-do spice container, find another use for it, and put spices elsewhere.
13. Reupholster ottoman, again.
14. Re-do the sm. potato hutch that I got from Lucy's trash.
15. Make my own pendulums.
16. Do craft work in all areas: scrapbook, make jewelry, paint, etc...
17. Knit baby Z a blanket.
18. Make the fleece blanket I have the materials for.
19. Do something physical daily (even if it's just 15min of stretching).
20. Look into being a foster care parent.
21. Stay at may new job for at least a year.
22. Go to church. SOG
23. Attend to my spirituality outside of church.
24. Make/buy a instrument.
25. Go to drum circles.
26. Be in tune to, be aware of opportunities.
27. Take advantage of opportunities that present themselves.
28. Make my own opportunities.
29. Work on letting go. SOG
30. Take initiative to get things done.
31. Do more things on my own (don't ask DP to do them). SOG
32. Do more unexpected, nice things for DP.
33. Together with DP choose a boys name.
34. Prepare dogs for the arrival of the baby.
35. Expand vocabulary.
36. Apply to grad school.
37. Become more involved in the community i.e. attend classes, seminars, and symposiums.
38. Become more involved in the lesbian community i.e. get involved with the organization that brings new moms care packages etc...
39. Attend more pride functions.
40. Journal weekly. SOG
41. Make amends with my Grandmother.
42. Visit Fl. family (once a yr).
43. Bring DP with (save the extra $ it will cost, ask her to take time off work, and find a pet sitter).
44. Save money to rent a car when in Fl. Maybe even get our own hotel room/alternative accommodations, especially, when traveling with baby Z.
45. Be the best I can be every time I go to work i.e. decompress, deal with frustrations so I can be in the right frame of mind, be prepared to challenge the kids by planing activities/initiatives, and get over the whole money thing.
46. Get a second job to off-set the money thing.
47. Pick-up the chairs--UGH!!
48. Watch less t.v.
49. See the kids more often 1-2 times/month?
50. Cut down/cut out sweets.
51. Take steps to lower triglycerides.
52. Worry less.
53. Find/join a group of women on a similar spiritual path.
54. Experience a sweet lodge.
55. Plant an herb garden.
56. Use herbs and natural remedies.
57. Join the food co-op. Look into other farm/crop sharing options for seasonal fruits and veggies.
58. Find opportunities to barter goods and service.
59. Take a class.
60. Meditate daily.
61. Be more forgiving of myself and others.
62. Obtain things on my wish list i.e. a new purse, markers, wooden spoons, juicer, etc...
63. Get my kitchen aid mixer serviced (don't use it until you do).
64. Do a better job of staying in contact with family and friends.
65. Work on being more even keeled i.e. not such low lows.
66. Do independent research on topics I want to know more about i.e textiles, world religions, language, how color wonder paint markers and paper work etc...
67. Practice writing.
68. Don't go to any pyramid scam events, including, melaluka, candle parties, and the like.
69. Walk dogs more often. SOG
70. DP added, "accept DP for who she is". I asked her what she meant she said, "quit bitching about everything and accept the fact I chew with my mouth open". I don't know if I can do that; it is really disgusting. Well maybe working 2nd shift will help this because we will be eating together less. I really don't want baby Z to learn to chew with her mouth open; if DP continues baby Z surly will. I understand DP was raised in a barn, but, really.
71. I will take the x-mas tree down in a timely manner i.e. in Jan. (DP added this also).
72. Nag DP less.

More to come.........

73. Deal with the old screen door that I want to paint, hang, etc....
74. Improve spelling; stop making the same spelling mistakes over and over.
75. Hire independent company to test tap water.
76. Use gift certificates.
77. Pay library fines; return books on time.
78. Take shoes to the repair shop.
79. Get formal instruction on how to do my make-up at the spa. Pay particularly close attention to the best way to do my eyes.
80. Take photos (I don't need a new camera to do this).
81. Cut pieces for jean quilt (I do (not) need the rotary cutting system).
82. Revamp resume.
83. Don't procrastinate on list items.
84. Learn how to post pictures on my blog. C
85. Learn more about the birds, trees, and flowers in my region.
86. Continue to apply to jobs.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Semi-randomness

DP and I have actually been arguing lately. I feel as if the stress of ttc is catching up with us. Somethings got to give. We have a long weekend to spend together, hopefully, we can use our time to love and grow together. We were just on our cycles at the same time; that's never good in our house. (And surprisingly it really does not happen all that often). Basically, we have no sympathy for each other and we are at each others throats.

My cd 3 blood work came back all within normal range for this point in my cycle (so says the NP):
FSH 3.6
TSH 1.74
Estrogen 26
Prolactin 16

Tests from a different doc.,
Glucose 76
Cholesterol 179
Triglycerides 219 (actually this is high; it should be less than 150). I really hate what I have to do to get this number to go down. My moms levels were over 500! She has had to take drastic measures (and believe me they are no fun). But, she is doing a good job making lifestyle changes for her health; good job ma!

My S.I.S. is tomorrow at 8:30am; wish me luck. I hope it goes quickly and painlessly. I have not had any negative symptoms from the femera to note. I start the gonal f this Sat. We are moving right along with this cycle. It's really amazing how fast it goes. Also, we decided to use the same donor for yet another cycle. I consulted the pendulum with this question. It was reveled to me that the sperm is not the problem; the timing is the problem. This is the only red head donor we agree on at this sperm bank. There are only 3. Using a different bank is not affordable. We are changing timing this cycle. We will go in for an IUI 36hrs. post-trigger (rather than 24hrs. post-t).

I want to draw your attention to a couple blogs I read....
Aspiring Baker, who got two pink lines on her 17th cycle!!!!
The Shape of a Mother, check it out if you have not.
Not to leave anyone out.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

CD 1

Well, I'm feeling quite different than I was just 24hrs. ago.

My mom's b-day party was a success. The food I ordered was on-time, tasty, and the right amount. Just about everyone that was invited showed up. My mom is loved by so many people. The piano player was awesome; I recommend hiring one for any event.

I am now day 1. How very convenient to have started on the first of the month; now I can easily keep track of what cd I am on. (Oh, I wish I could say April fools right about now). But, alas, on cd 3 I will have an u/s, b/w, and start femera. My S.I.S. is on Fri. cd 6. On cd 7 I start the gonal f. It looks like the timing for all these things is perfect i.e. it does not interfere with new job training. As of right now I don't have to worry about doing my injections at work.

I should go read some work stuff.